I just smeared peanut butter all over my son!

So before you become a mother you think you have it all together. That when most things come up you know that you can handle it. Then you discover you are pregnant, you have all these plans and idea of how it is going to be. Before you know it you are sitting there in tears and as big as a house bouncing on an exercise ball pleading with God to get this thing out of your body because if one more day past your due date comes and goes you are going to start HARMING people. The big day comes and the fact that NOTHING goes as planned should have been a big indication that once that kid pops out...right there at that moment all hope of having everything under control has run screaming from the room never to return.

The next year is a constant haze of self doubt, utter terror, and pure joy. By the time the kid is a year you think that once again you can maybe get things under control...then the vicious cycle starts all over again. Years later you are putting the tenth load of laundry in the washer while making sure the baby is not fishing in the toilet (hoping it is flush just in case she does but not taking the time to MAKE SURE!)and trying your darnest to remember the three sheets of Christmas cookies in the oven and to make sure the two kids who are sliding down the front yard hill have not been mauled by a moose or flying towards truck tailgates.

Though you are balancing the weight of five peoples universe on your shoulders you have totally abandoned the idea of control. To drive home the fact, your three year old son comes in the house for you to put his mitten on for the sixth time, and you notice that his neck is a weird shade of melon flavored gum....OH CRAP! Sure enough you remove the neck warmer only to find that in the mist of his sliding gaiety he had lost his gum only to have it nettle itself between his chin and neck, which is quiet warm due to hot breath and layers of polar fleece. You remove the hood, hat, and said warm necker only to find that it had melted from the bottom of his chin to the top of his chest. Not to mention that removing the neck accessory has caused the stringy sticky mess to migrate to the side of his face and hair as well. AWESOME!

After a quick "Grandma what do I do" call you are standing in the bathroom with a costco size jar of peanut butter in one hand and a cap full of tide in the other smearing both all over your son the whole time he is screaming "Mommy I am not a sandwich!" After the inital "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME" moments have worn off and you are seeing an end to this gum drama, you are thinking..."MY life has come to this!" and you can't help but laugh uncontrollably. Your life has come to this! What happen to the person who thought she had it all together? I will tell you what happened to her...she HAD KIDS! Kids are not predictable, they are not calculated, they do not stay in the lines, they are NUTS! But they also are fun, carefree, full of love, and down right HILARIOUS! You may never know what will fill your day when you spend it with them, but would you want it any other way?