God Room

Somewhere along the way in my life I got this idea that I was special, that I was destined to do great things. Not to discredit who I am and what I have accomplished in my life, but that is a bunch of crap. I think of all the dreams I had of twirling through medical school, waltzing into a cutting edge mission based practice where I would be the next Dr. Quinn Medicine Women (0nly I would be the Indian:) All of it seemed so certain, so easy. Of course this is what I was suppose to do, duh...no questions asked. Then something happened that sorta changed the course of my life. I fell in love. Though to everyone around me I looked so determined and sure in my direction of becoming a doctor, but in the back of my mind, and sometimes out loud, I had said that if I ever had to choose between medicine and a family I would hands down choose a family. Well...fast forward eight years. I did choose that family. I have been blessed beyond measure with a wonderful husband, three outstanding kids, and a life that many only dream of. Why then someday when I have moments to stop and think, I find myself feeling like a failure, not living up to the sassy life-filled vision I had of me so long ago. In my mind I wondered if I settled; took the easy way out.

Cut to the book I am reading called "Rebel With A Cause" an autobiography about Franklin Graham. Well in this book he was a chapter called the God Room. In this chapter he tells of one of the many colorful people that changed the course of his life, Bob Pierce. Bob started an organization called Samaritan's Purse. Anyway, Bob took Franklin on this worldwide tour of the least of these. Places in need of Christ, but first and for most places in need of physical and emotional help. They were whisked around by dignitaries as well as Borneo tribesman. On day he starts to tell Franklin his outlook on faith and running this organization. He refers to it as 'God Room'. Franklin, like myself, had no idea what this was. So Bob explained it. God Room is promising above and beyond, doing all that you are humanly able to do to met the goal, and then then stand back, pray and give God room to work the rest out. The trick is not to promise or plan only want is manageable by our standards but to get crazy and shoot higher then ever imaginable. God is the God of the impossible.

Now after reading this I thought "man, I stink". But then I stood back and really thought about it, and guess what!? I have seen this happen. NO! I have not only seen this happen. Unknowingly, I have done it on more then one occasion. The first time I now notice this 'God room' idea in my life was sophomore year of college when I was on summer break. An F4 tornado ripped through our neighborhood killing three and destroying many of my neighbor's homes. Somehow a few of us had this idea to start a drop site to be halfway point between those wanting to donate and those in need. I was a whooping 19 years old. I was inexperienced and had no idea what the heck I was thinking or doing. Thanks to the help of many people this thing got HUGE. Way beyond me, way beyond my community. One thing let to another and I found myself working for FEMA as a crisis counselor, and public speaker. I didn't understand then that God was moving. I was exhausted but I was very close to God. My motives were pure and good intentions where there, but I was done. This thing had snowballed into something I could not stop or be apart of anymore due to my needing to return to school.

I remember the day very well when I stood back and gave God room. I was working with a very energetic man by the name of Jon. He was from Chicago and try as he might to fit in to the farmers world...just didn't. The penny loafers, dockers, and button up shirts might have had something to do with it. After showing him the ins and outs of the farming community for three months, I had to go and leave him to fend for himself. However, before I left on my very last day we had a meeting with some Mennonite volunteers who wanted to send many teams to work until fall. They needed certain things to get there jobs done and planned, and Jon was very sure he could meet their needs, and I agreed. Yet, I threw in that we would feed them everyday as well, lunch and dinner. Needless to say I looked at Jon and he was aghast, all out jaw dropped dumbfounded. How could I promise something that we had no resources to met. Plus I had no idea why I said this. I almost slapped myself! After the meeting he looked at me and just stated the fact that I wasn't going to be here and that he didn't know how to cook for 35 hungry men. That is when I assured him it would be taken care of. The weird thing is I have no idea how getting it taken care of happened. That night I went home and prayed that God would provide like never before, I woke up gave Jon and phone number...and then I left for school. A week later I got a call from Jon telling me how well I worked everything out and how he was feeding many crews breakfast, lunch, and dinner and he didn't even have to lift a pot. Come to find out the number I gave him was a dead end. But when he hung up the phone, a lady I knew growing up called him and said that she was needed to make some food and that she could call some of her friends to do the same. Jon explained the situation and they worked out a plan. Churches from all over the area took days of the week to come and feed the workers. They did this for months. Jon to this day will not believe me that I had nothing to do with it. I never called this dear women, I had never told her I needed her help. I just gave God room, and He filled the gap.

You know it is awesome to be able to look back and say "Wow God WAS working"! But what about those times when you feel like a failure. When you wake up only to fall flat on your face yet again. Hey most days I have that feeling. I think: If I can just do better at keeping my house clean. If I can do better at teaching the kids right from wrong. If I could be a better wife. If I could be a better...well fill in the blank. The point is that we can only be and do what we are humanly able to and that will always fall short. But if we aim high, promise the impossible, do all we can, pray all we can pray, and stand back and give God room. He will always fill in the gaps and do the unimaginable. So in hindsight I am doing great things. I am trusting God with my life. I am doing the best I can do to be a good wife, mother, teacher, daughter, friend, and believer. Mostly though I am trusting that He will do the impossible and fill in the gaps of where my best efforts end and His awesomeness begins.